The One Thing Rule- By Annie Crass

The hot July sun beat down on me as I peacefully paddleboarded through the waters of the Gulf of Mexico. I looked towards the shore line. This was definitely farther out than I had intended to paddle. My young kids looked especially small playing on the shore. I looked the opposite way, towards the vast open ocean, the water getting deeper and darker and more mysterious the farther out you looked. A bit out of my comfort zone, I decided it was time to head back towards shore. Doing my best to turn my board around, something just out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Was that splash? Was there something in the water near me? Suddenly the scenes of every scary ocean movie were running through my mind. Yes, there was definitely a shadow just under the water, but deep enough for me not to get a clear view of what it was. Whatever it was, it happened to be going the same direction I was, so I paddled at a distance while still keeping an eye on the shadow. Suddenly, the shadow broke the surface of the water. A beautiful, huge sea turtle emerged for a breath of air. A sea turtle! Beautiful and green and gorgeous! I seriously had no idea sea turtles in those waters were that big! The sea turtle descended back under the water, swimming peacefully. I kept following from a distance and every few minutes or so the turtle would come back up for air. Eventually, I lost track of the shadow and could no longer follow. As I turned my salt misted, sun-kissed face up towards the sky, all I could think was, “I just paddleboarded with a sea turtle! A sea turtle!”  

That experience would not have happened without something our family implemented a few years ago. You see, I love to travel, and it seems my wanderlust is growing more and more with each passing year. And I love to travel with our kids. But as you probably know, traveling with kids is a whole different ball game. Our first few family vacations after my first child was born ended with a lot of disappointment and resentment. Disappointment because the trip did not live up to the expectation. I knew traveling with a child would be different. But in reality, it felt like I was doing the same things: changing diapers, moving the laundry, coordinating nap times, just with a prettier view than usual. Resentment because it seemed like everyone else was having fun without me. I missed the sunset because it was baby's bedtime. The pod of dolphins swam by while I was inside cleaning up a diaper blowout. I had to leave an incredible restaurant before the food came because my child was having a complete meltdown.

When the kids got older things seemed better. But instead of enjoying our time, we found ourselves running towards the next activity, wanting to cram in as much sightseeing, shopping, and as many delicious restaurants as possible. We paid for this vacation, so why not get our money's worth out of being here? We tried to do it all, to make all the memories. What we ended up with was cranky kids, stressed parents, and everyone was tired. 

There had to be a solution. I kept thinking, “There has to be a way to vacation with kids and find it enjoyable and relaxing and memorable and magical. Right? There's gotta be a way.”

After much thinking on the matter, our family has implemented what we call the One Thing rule. It's very simple, which is part of the beauty of it. In our family, it's been very effective in having a wonderful vacation experience with our children. It goes like this:  Before the vacation begins, I ask every member of our family, “What's the one thing you would like to do on vacation?” Then I give every family member time to think about what they want to do. When everyone has come up with their One Thing, I can plan those things into our vacation itinerary. 

By implementing the One Thing, it has allowed us to focus on what our kids actually want to do, instead of just doing a bunch of activities they're not very interested in. And it’s not just the kids; it’s helped my husband and I be able to do the One Thing we want to do on our vacation as well. It allows everybody to feel like they've walked away from their trip satisfied and like they had an amazing time. There’s less disappointment and resentment because now we just focus on doing everyone’s One Thing. Perhaps it would have been nice to see the sunset, but that wasn’t my One Thing so I’m less upset about that. Seeing a pod of dolphins swim by would have been cool, but I’m looking forward to doing my One Thing. The meltdown my child was throwing at the restaurant didn’t ruin the whole trip because eating there wasn’t my One Thing anyway. 

Since we’ve implemented the One Thing with our young kids, it has been interesting to see what they’ve picked. One Things from my kids last year on our beach vacation included building a sand castle, collecting sea shells, and practicing boogie boarding. A recent trip to the Colorado mountains included One Things such as picking wild flowers, making s’mores, and getting in the hot tub. While most of these activities are simple and almost seem mundane, it’s been beautiful to see our vacations through our kid’s point of view and to see how they want to spend our time together. I think a lot of the time us parents feel like we have to create these magical memories and do these big things so that our kids will remember them. And what do I remember from my family vacations growing up? The simple things, like riding our bikes to get Slurpees, swimming in the pool after dark, and playing games as a family. 

Now every family is different and there are ways to tweak the One Thing to best fit your family. If your kids are extremely young, you might give them two or three options and have them pick. Honestly, I would keep it pretty simple. Options could include things like going out for ice cream, taking a nature walk, or visiting a kid friendly attraction like a zoo or children’s museum. If you have really big families and feel like it might be difficult to fit every individual’s One Thing into your trip, you could divide your kids into groups, perhaps girls and boys or older and younger, and have them pick one activity as a group. This is also a good idea if you have financial restrictions. As your kids get older, they might pick more complex One Things, like visiting an amusement park or going on a long hike. You could encourage them to research their One Thing and have them plan the best way to do it. One of the really beautiful things about parenting is taking an idea you read online or heard from a friend, and tweaking it to best serve your family’s needs. Sometimes we just need to start with a framework and make it our own from there.

As summer quickly approaches and vacations might be on your mind, perhaps think about trying the One Thing this year. In case you didn’t catch on from my sea turtle story, my One Thing I wanted to do at the beach last year was to paddleboard. Our family had never done that before. It looked really fun and I knew there were places on our island where we could rent paddleboards. What’s great about a One Thing is even if it’s not YOUR One Thing, everyone still gets to enjoy it. We all took turns on the paddleboard and enjoyed it all day long. Aunts and Uncles kept taking the kids out for rides. (Sometimes so far it scared this mama a little bit!) It was an incredible experience to enjoy together. I’m thankful for the memories our family has made and look forward to many more wonderful vacation experiences together.