Loneliness in Motherhood - By Kayla Keen
I never knew that such loneliness could come with never actually being alone. My role as a stay-at-home mom means that I’m seldom alone. I’m with my kids every waking minute (and every sleeping one) of every day. While there’s nothing in the world I’d rather be doing, I had no idea how lonely I would feel. How disconnected from the outside world.
My husband is up for work and out the door by 5:00 am six days a week. He’s usually home by 4:00 pm and then it’s an hour of yard work, dinner time, and then we’re off to gymnastics or swim lessons, or whatever else it is that we’re supposed to be doing on any given day. Kids are in bed by 7:30 and then I have a whole 20 minutes to talk to my husband about our days before he showers and heads to bed himself. I am awake for roughly 15 hours a day and only have 20 minutes of face-to-face time with another adult. The rest of my day is spent talking to toddlers and listening to reruns of Mickey Mouse.
When I am around other people, I often catch myself rambling on about anything and everything. Looking for new topics to get them to stay and talk to me just a little bit longer. I have all these pent-up thoughts and funny stories about the kids that I just have to spew them out when others are actually listening to what I have to say. Because gosh, do I have so much to say! My oldest is starting kindergarten next month and I’m terrified and excited for him at the same time. My middle will be in preschool soon and I think it’s going to be great for her. My youngest is 18 months and he’s starting to talk more. Their bonds continue to grow and it’s a special thing to witness. Last week, my oldest said something that had my stomach hurting from laughing so hard. Yesterday, my middle had me pulling every hair out of my head. And do we even want to talk about that presidential debate?! Yet, no one knows. The only form of communication I have most days is through a text. They can’t see my smile in a text, though. Not my pride or my frustration or my love.
Mom is all that I feel that I am. It’s easy to lose touch with others when so much of your day, your week, your life is spent isolated at home. Sure, we run errands and visit with family when we can, but it’s mostly small talk. I miss real conversation. I miss excusing myself to go to the restroom, rather than announcing that I have to “go potty.” It’s disconnection from the outside world, though, the outside world is at our fingertips. I’ll be honest, scrolling on social media gets to me sometimes. I find myself comparing myself to other moms, but I wonder, are they as lonely as I am behind the screen?
Alone. It’s how I feel so often that I fear It’s going to become a part of me. So, this is me asking, no, begging you. If you have a friend that’s a stay-at-home mom, don’t forget about her. Ask if you can visit and reassure her that you don’t care what her house looks like. Discuss more than the weather. Talk about things that matter. I promise she has opinions. She has important things to say. Maybe see if she could leave the kids with her husband for a couple hours on a Saturday morning and ask her to go to brunch with you. She might have advice on an issue you are having at work or at home. Swing by and bring her a coffee when you’re thinking about her. Ask her what’s new with her family and share stories about yours. Don’t forget about the stay-at-home moms. We made the choice to stay home, because the time with our children far outweighs any other sacrifices we made (and we HAVE made sacrifices), but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. We all have hard things. Loneliness is one of ours.